


appearance of a flower

by brianbrain



Series: ghosts of the past [2]
Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Abandonment, Abusive Parents, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Gender Roles, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Male Character, Transgender Din Djarin, dian has some good friends, dian is this poor mans deadname, sometimes no comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 07:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23347342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brianbrain/pseuds/brianbrain
Summary: The looks he got, the way people spoke, the mere feeling of existence--why was it sowrong?
Series: ghosts of the past [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1594726
Comments: 4
Kudos: 88





	1. of a fraying string

_"Ekel, how long is this going to go on? How long is Dian going to be setting traps to feed us rodents? This... this is inappropriate behavior. I won't stand for it."_ _  
__"Look, Dian means well, alright. Besides, in all honesty... I'm afraid we don't have much of a choice."_ _  
__"If you're going to let us eat like this, at least have the good sense to set the traps yourself!"_ _  
__"You know that I can't do that. With my work, I sleep 4 hours a night, just to get up early so I can earn barely enough money to pay our dues. I don't think I can manage adding trap-making to that list. Even if I could... I think Dian likes it."_ _  
__"Just because_ she _likes it doesn't mean_ she _should be doing it. Have some sense!_ She _should be weaving!"_ _  
__"She's weaving traps. I don't see a problem here."_ _  
__"She should be weaving tapestries, or cloth! I'm sick of this! Why are you so lenient? You let her wear pants. You would have let her run around outside and muck about if I didn’t bring her to the market everyday. Now, this... Dian isn't_ my _little girl!"_ _  
__"Maria..."_ _  
__"I'm done! You take care of her, then, if you're always on her side..."_

_"Dian, I'm so sorry I'll have to leave you here alone, I'll try to talk to my manager..."_

Dian jolted upright, eyes wide.

_itwasjustadreamitwasjustadreamitwasjustadreampleaseletitbeadream_

It wasn't a dream. Of course. Her parents would never lie.

She'd never heard Mum this angry, though.

Dian swung her legs out of the rapidly cooling burgundy blankets and let her toes trace circles on the dusty dirt floor. There was no sign of either Mum or Da in their little one-room home, and Dian knew she wouldn't find either of them nearby even though the sun had barely cleared the horizon. Da left for the factory before sunrise, and Mum-

Mum used to wake Dian up with the sun, when the first rays began to trickle in through the window.

Not anymore, Dian supposed. No doubt she was already halfway up the trail to the plateau market without Dian to slow her down. Mum was always in quite the rush.

 _Dian isn't_ my _little girl,_ Mum had said. Mum didn’t want her. But why? Why was she so angry about Dian’s traps, and why now? She'd been making them for several days now, and had just caught a rodent last night. Mum had even smiled at her then as she took the animal and began roasting it over the fire. 

Dian didn’t get it. She had only been trying to help. It had been days since their dinner had not consisted of a few bitter herbs, and weeks since hard, dry ration bars. That rodent had been their first real food in many, many moons. 

What was it that Mum said? Was it that Mum didn’t want her to be making traps? 

With a groan, Dian flopped back on the haysack of a bed. What was she supposed to do now?

Just then, two boys burst through the flap hanging over the doorway, barrelling towards Dian.

"Got you!" cried one triumphantly, leaping for the other.

Dian yelped and dove out of the way, covering her head as both came crashing down in a brown blur on the bed. At the sharp noise, the two wrestling figures froze, and two faces framed by dirty gold, curly hair swung towards her.

Immediately, both figures scrambled to get off the bed and onto their feet. Dian cowered in the corner, peering up at them through her fingers. They were so much taller than her, with lanky limbs and squarish faces bronzed by the sun, dressed in tan, linen shorts.

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry!" gushed the taller one to the right. "There's usually no one here, and Da said that we can run anywhere in the village as long as we don't disturb anyone."

"Are you okay?" asked the one on the left.

 _Be polite to your elders. Respond when spoken to._

Dian struggled to sit up, fumbling with her words. "I-i-i'm okay," she managed. "Y-yea-"

The boy who had spoken first beamed, hazel eyes practically lighting up. "Name's Gonus, and this is my brother Huit! We're twins!" he said brightly, offering Dian a hand as Huit waved. "What's yours?"

"Dian," she whispered, taking his warm hand carefully.

Gonus pulled her to her feet and dusted her off with quick, short movements. "So sorry about this. So, how come you're here today?"

It took her a moment to find her answer. Why had Mum left her here again?

"My mum doesn't want me," Dian replied, with a shrug, finding sudden interest in the patterns in the dirt and hoping her lower lip didn't tremble too much.

There was a moment of silence, but then Huit bent down to her height, and put his hands on her shoulders. “Hey Dian, it’s okay,” he said softly. “Don’t worry about your mum, parents are like that. You’ll be fine without them! C’mon, wanna learn how to catch toads?”

“But my mum doesn’t like that I make traps,” Dian sniffled.

"You don't need traps to catch toads!" replied Gonus. "Just a stick, alright? It's really fun!"

“Really?” Dian exclaimed, immediately perking up. Maybe she could get Mum to like her again, if she could get their family food _and_ not weave traps. She looked up at the two brothers with a wide grin. “Show me!”

“That’s the spirit!” Huit cheered, straightening up. “Let’s go!” He grabbed Gonus and Dian and practically shoved all of them outside, but Dian didn’t mind the roughness. Maybe Mum would want her back if she could do this. Maybe… just maybe… 

* * *

It turned out that it was very hard to actually catch toads, and even harder to find one in the first place. Dian should have expected that, since they did live on a desert planet. 

The two brothers had brought Dian out of the village and onto a trail that wound around the base of the plateau. It had led to a cave made of large rock slabs that had collapsed against the plateau’s slope. Inside, there had been a dark pool of old rainwater, where Huit said there would sometimes be toads. They’d crouched by it in silence, watching and waiting for a while before Gonus finally spoke.

“Huit, when was the last time it rained?”

The boy seemed to give this a great deal of thought before finally answering. “Oh no,” he muttered. “Too long. They must be hibernating.”

“No toads?” asked Dian, feeling the edges of her mouth beginning to turn down. How would she make Mum happy again, then?

Huit stood, now vaguely backlit by the weak light from the cave entrance. Desperate to not feel so short, Dian scrambled to her feet. “No toads?” she asked again.

“No toads,” Gonus confirmed. “Huit got a little carried away.”

“What can I say?” Huit replied with a sheepish shrug. “I like toads a little too much. Next time it rains, they’ll definitely be here though. I’ll bring you, alright? But we’ve been out for quite some time. We should be getting back.”

He began to head for the exit with Gonus, but then stopped when Dian did not follow.

“Dian?”

At the sound of her name, Dian snapped her head towards Huit. “Okay,” she said belatedly, hurrying to catch up with the brothers.

* * *

She hadn’t really appreciated just how far they’d walked in the morning until they were on their way back. When they had been going to the cave, Huit and Gonus had told jokes and taught Dian skipping patterns to pass the time, but now the mood was more muted. Maybe it was the lighting. The sun had become a fat and wavy orange ball, inching ever closer to the horizon and turning the sky bloodred.

“Looks pretty, doesn’t it?” said Gonus. 

Huit hummed in agreement, hands stuffed in the pockets of his pants.

Dian could see the winding trail leading up the plateau's top now, and wondered if that little speck at the top was Mum. Dian bet it was. They had always been the first to arrive and last to leave the market. 

Gonus followed Dian’s gaze, squinting up at the unclear form. “Somebody you know?” he asked.

“Maybe Mum,” Dian replied, fidgeting with a baggy burgundy sleeve. There was still an awful lot of dust in it. “Would she be mad that I went outside?” 

Gonus and Huit shared a look, and then Huit turned to Dian. “When’s the last time you had a piggyback ride?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever had one,” Dian said. Perhaps when she was very young and strapped to Mum’s or Da’s back, but certainly not one she could really remember.

“Would you like one? We’ve still got a ways to go.”

_Don’t refuse something your elder offers._

Dian nodded, and Huit bent down. “Just climb on, and put your arms around my neck,” he instructed.

Dian did as he said, and Huit easily looped his arms underneath her legs to pick her up. “You’re light,” he commented.

“I’m young,” Dian countered boldly.

_Don’t speak back to your elder._

“Sorry,” Dian whispered, but it was covered up by Huit and Gonus’s chuckling.

“I like that spirit,” Gonus said. “But really. Does your family have enough food?” 

Mum had always said not to let others know that Da struggled to get food for their family, but Huit and Gonus were older than her, so she couldn’t lie.

“No,” Dian replied. “Da says what he makes at the factory is barely enough, so I tried making traps to catch rodents, and I caught one yesterday, but when I was supposed to be asleep I heard Mum yelling at Da about it. She said I shouldn’t be making traps, so I haven’t set any today.”

There was a long pause after that, and Dian wondered if she’d said something wrong. Neither brother said another word until they reached the outskirts of the village, where Huit stopped to let her get off.

“You’d better walk from here,” he said. “See you tomorrow, okay?”

Dian nodded, picking at her sleeves again. Tomorrow. Mum was still going to be mad tomorrow, wasn’t she? Especially since there was no food. 

The two brothers had begun to leave when Gonus suddenly turned back. “Oh, if you’re ever hungry, just tell us, yeah?”

Dian looked up, and Gonus flashed her a grin. She nodded again, slowly, and Gonus somehow managed to smile even bigger and waved her good-bye. “See you!”

Dian waved back weakly. “See you,” she whispered.

_Time to go home._

* * *

“She’s a nice kid, isn’t she?” Gonus said, as they headed to their family's hut.

“Yeah,” Huit replied, pursuing his lips. “I hope she’s gonna be okay. Doesn’t sound like it’s going to well for the Yuhrae’s.”

“Y’know, we should actually teach her to catch lizards, or snakes, or something. Or at least keep her company. Want to introduce her to the others tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I hope she likes them. She seems a bit shy.”

“I think it'll be fine. But hey, race you to the house?”

"I _will_ beat you," Huit said, eyes glinting with a challenge.

"We'll see about that, eh, brother?"


	2. of the crushing of hope

Even with Huit’s gracious piggyback ride, Mum still somehow beat her home. Yet, Mum didn’t seem to acknowledge Dian as Dian pushed the flap aside, greeted by the sight of her poking the embers in the firepit awake.

“Mum?” Dian asked.

Her mother looked up with a sigh, frizzy hair sticking out of her burgundy heardscarf. “Dian,” she said tightly. “Go to bed.”

“But, Mum-”

“Go to bed, okay?” Mum tried to smile, but she still looked kind of angry. Disappointed. At Dian. “There’s no food for you anyways. For any of us.” And then she laughed, but Dian couldn’t see what Mum found so funny.

At any rate, the way Mum laughed scared her. It was a harsh, brittle noise, so Dian obediently scurried for the blankets. 

“Good night, Mum,” she said, once safely buried and trying to get warm. Even with blankets, Dian was always cold at night, though the fire crackling in the center of the room did help a little. 

There was no reply, and at some point Dian managed to drift into the land of sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Dian woke up slowly, vaguely conscious first of the sunlight beginning to warm her face, and then a gentle breeze. The real kicker was smoke, and the sound of flames crackling.

When she finally opened her eyes and rolled over to squint at their firepit, hoping somewhere in the back of her mind that it might be Mum, or even Da, Dian was a bit disappointed. It was neither parent. She hadn’t spoken to Da in a while, and what Mum had said to her yesterday hardly counted as talking.

However, Dian was glad to find that the fire had not just been left there, either. Two linen clad figures sat by the pit, and one of them now turned towards her. It was Huit. They’d kept their promise after all.

“Hey!” Huit smiled at her, and produced a package from one of his pockets. “You’re awake? Hungry?”

Dian nodded, trying to untangle herself from the blankets. She hadn’t quite been paying attention to it, but her stomach was horribly empty now that Huit mentioned it. It was a dull ache, anyways. Sometimes there was not food for many days, not just one like yesterday.

“It’s jerky,” piped up the one sitting beside Huit. No surprise, it was Gonus. Da had said once that twins were nearly inseparable, although he’d said this a little sadly since he had not seen his twin sister in many revolutions.

“What kind?” Dian asked curiously, padding over to Huit and taking the piece she’d been offered. She sniffed it, but she could only smell fragrant spices. It smelled so good, yet the scent still made Dian a bit nauseous with its strength.

“Nerf jerky,” replied Huit, as Dian nibbled at it cautiously. “Like it?”

Dian nodded as she chewed, an explosion of flavors warming her up. She’d been doing an awful lot of nodding since she’d met the brothers.

Dian had barely finished a quarter of the jerky when she felt full, and she stared at it for a moment. She wondered if Gonus and Huit would mind if she kept it for later. Maybe she could give it to Mum, and make her happy. Or Da, if she saw him for once. When was the last time anyone in their house had had jerky, much less _nerf_ jerky?

She looked up to ask if Gonus or Huit had any cloth to see both boys watching her like hawks, and Dian internally squeaked. 

“C-could I save this for later?”

“Done already?” asked Huit, raising an eyebrow. “Alright.” 

He handed Dian the packaging and she tied her piece back up with the others. When she was done, Gonus had already migrated halfway to the door. 

“It’s almost high-sun,” Gonus said. “How would you feel about trying your hand at spear hunting?”

* * *

Dian had never seen a spear before, but it rather reminded her of Mum’s needles, only much much larger and sturdier. Yet, the longer she held it, the more awkward and unbalanced it felt in her hand.

“How do I use this?” she finally asked, unable to stand the silence.

Huit had been furiously rubbing a piece of ragged cloth against his spear, and Gonus was stabbing the dirt with the tip of his intensely, but at the sound of Dian’s voice, both stopped.

“You, uh-” Gonus rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, and attempted to clear his throat. “Throw it?”

“Very helpful, brother,” Huit quipped, tucking the cloth into a pocket. “She could’ve told us that herself.”

Gonus groaned and flopped backwards onto one of the rocks that bordered the clearing. “Geez, sorry. I’m not the one with the sense for speech.”

“Good thing you have me,” Huit replied. “And don’t do that. You’ll scare all the lizards away, if you haven’t already. Or break your back.

“Glad to hear you care, but they all went into hiding the moment we got here. No point.”

“Yeah, but they’ll come back out soon enough if we’re quiet.”

 _Ah, so that’s why neither of them had been talking_.

Gonus grunted. “Whatever,” he mumbled.

Huit shrugged and turned towards Dian. “You see, you try to find the place where the spear balances, kind of a third away from the point,” he said, demonstrating on his own. “Then you grab it by pointing your thumb away and under the shaft, and wrap your fingers around the top.”

At this, Dian squinted at Huit’s hands as she fumbled with her spear. She needed to get this right if there was any chance of Mum liking her again.

“Yeah, that’s good,” Huit said. Dian frowned a little. It was unnatural, bending your wrist back like that.

“Then it’s simple. You just plant your feet, pull the spear back, and aim. Then, step forward and throw a bit downwards,” Huit finished, completing his spear-throwing crash course by burying the spear in the ground right at the base of a rock and throwing up a flurry of sand. “Try getting it close to that spot.”

Face scrunched in concentration, Dian did her best, and managed to make the spear flop in the dirt about two feet off target.

“Not bad, I guess,” Gonus hummed. “I remember when I first threw a spear. Da would’ve banned me for a moon if Huit hadn’t convinced him practice was the only way I was going to get better and stop nearly killing anyone within five feet.”

“Practice makes perfect,” agreed Huit. “So make a few more throws, but then we’ll have to be quiet so the lizards will come back out.”

Huit was right, of course. It did feel better once Dian repeated the motions, and when she thought she’d got the hang of it, she joined the brothers on their rock.

“Look, it’s a hawk!” Gonus suddenly burst out, jabbing a finger at a circling speck.

“Shhh,” shushed Huit. “Didn’t I say to be quiet? For being the one whose skill with words is more lacking, you’re awfully loud.”

“It’s the only way I ever get to make a point,” Gonus countered, but shut up anyway.

Body finally warm from the activity and the sun, Dian watched as the bird drifted lazily on hot updrafts, wondering what it would be like to fly. It would make getting around so much easier. No more trudging through thick sand. So free--

Her wistful train of thought was broken off by Gonus poking her in the side, causing Dian to whip her head around to face him. He put a finger to his lips, and then pointed at small forms that had begun to scurry about the rocky rubble across the clearing.

Huit had already halfway risen, his spear held loosely in his right hand, intensely focused on the lizards. In a flash, he threw his spear in a dark blur, and the tip embedded itself in the dirt. Immediately, the lizards scattered, and Huit hurried over to his catch.

“That’s an awful bit of bad luck,” he commented, holding up a detached tail. “You wanna try next, Dian?”

Dian nodded determinedly, grip tightening around her spear as she shuffled off of the rock to stand. Surprisingly, it didn’t take too long for the lizards to come back, this time swarming around a rock a couple to the left from before, even though one of them had just sacrificed an appendage.

It was hard to focus on a single lizard, with their fast, darting movements and how many had gathered together, and Dian blinked rapidly. She had to do this.

There was a wet thunk as her spear hit one of the creatures, and Gonus cheered. “You did it!” he yelled, voice echoing faintly.

“Congrats to both of you,” Huit said, a sly look slipping onto his face. “Dian, nice catch. Gonus, good job making sure we don’t see any more lizards today.” 

“Aw, c’mon. We should get back anyway,” Gonus said, waving a hand at the sun. It was nearing the horizon once more. “But that was impressive, Dian.”

“Thank you,” Dian said, smiling as she picked up her spear. It was a pretty large lizard, as long as her forearm and covered in dust colored scales, and she hoped Mum would like it. Fried lizard didn’t sound half bad.

Gonus hopped to his feet and stretched. “Let’s go! Race the two of you to the house!”

Without another word, he bolted off, spear and all. Huit barely avoided getting smacked by the end of Gonus’s spear.

“Running with a spear is a bad idea, especially if you’re clumsier than nerf cattle!” Huit called after him, but Gonus didn’t seem to have heard. Huit sighed.

“Here, give me your spear, but take the lizard,” Huit told Dian. “Catch up to him for me, alright? And make sure he doesn’t fall on his own weapon.”

Dian nodded and sprinted in the direction Gonus had gone, sand flying up with each step. He was too fast, at any rate, and by the time Dian could make out his head from the rest of his body, the village was already well within sight. Only when Gonus had just reached the flagpole that marked the border of the village did he seem to realize that he had left Dian and Huit behind, and he finally looked behind him and slowed down.

“Oops,” he said sheepishly when Dian finally reached him, huffing and puffing with the warm lizard clutched tightly in her arms. “Oh dear, you’ve got blood on your tunic now.”

Dian looked down, finally registering the faint coppery smell, but she could barely make out the parts where it was slightly dark from the lizard blood. “I think it’s okay,” she said. “My tunic is red anyways.”

“What’s with your house and burgundy?” asked Gonus. “Most red I’ve seen in one place in my life.”

Dian shrugged. “Mum likes it. Maybe she’ll like the lizard too, since it’s the right color.”

Gonus stared at her for a moment as they continued walking through the alleys. “I,” he paused. “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

Dian stared back for a moment, not quite sure what he meant by that, but before she react--

“Boo!” came a voice behind them, and Dian jumped. 

“Whoa!” yelped Gonus, spinning around so fast Dian almost got grazed by the tip.

“Scared you! You’re more skittish than those lizards!” Huit teased, dancing lightly on his toes. He spread out his arms and hunched his shoulders, letting his tunic hang looser on his thin frame. “Bet you would run from clothes flapping on the line.”

“That was once!” protested Gonus.

“Uh huh, definitely,” Huit said, nodding vigorously. “Yeah.”

“Boys, what are you doing?” a voice called, and the two brothers shot upright. 

“Uh, coming!” squeaked Gonus, several octaves higher than was normal.

“Gotta go!” whisper-shouted Huit, waving furiously. “Hope you enjoy the lizard! See you tomorrow.”

“Boys!”

Dian was left standing in a swirl of dust, holding her stiffening reptilian catch. She’d better get back home too, shouldn’t she? The sun was setting fast, and the sky had turned blood red once again. Mum would be there, and maybe Dian could see Mum’s smile again.

* * *

Not long after Dian had reached home did Mum arrive, and she eagerly rushed up to her mother, holding the lizard up high.

“Look what I got, Mum!” she cried. “And it’s red!”

“Red?” her mother questioned gruffly, backing away a little. 

This action did not escape the notice of Dian, and the hopeful smile she’d so readily put on lessened a little. 

“Yeah, the blood. And- it’s food!”

“How did you get this?” Mum asked sharply, and Dian didn’t dare look up. It hadn’t worked

“S-some nice brothers taught me to catch it,” she replied, barely audible.

Mum ticked her tongue against her teeth. “Of course,” she said coldly. “C’mon, give me the vagrant. And go to bed.”

“B-but-”

“Go to bed, Dian. And stay inside tomorrow! Good grief!” Mum whirled away, skirts flaring, muttering under her breath. Dian thought she heard something about “what in the galaxy is Ekel doing, what a foolish husband,” but she couldn’t be sure. She hoped she’d heard wrong.

Wide-eyed and mouth slack, Dian watched as her mother roughly set down the bag of cloth Dian had once faithfully carried for her everyday to the market. 

_ It hadn’t worked. _

If anything, Mum was even angrier.

She felt weirdly empty, like there was a hole forming in her chest, worse than moons of hunger, and a feeling that turned her bones to ice.

_ Why Mum, why? _

* * *

Dian couldn’t cry. Mum had said it was annoying. It was one of the first things she could remember Mum ever saying, when Dian finally began to understand the sounds that formed words.

So Dian didn’t shed a single tear. She just wrapped herself in the blankets, drifting towards sleep but not quite making it, because her whole body seemed stuck in that moment, replaying her mother’s reaction. The face. The movements. The back of her mother, the lizard lifting out of her hands and leaving Dian  _ empty _ .

At some point Dian thought she heard Da come home, and Mum and Da speaking, but it was all muted, as though Dian were at the bottom of the plateau trail and they were at the top, sounds garbled by wind. 

_ Why, Mum, why? _

At some point the bed shifted next to her, and she thought Da might be saying her name, but Dian couldn’t bring herself to move.

Mum truly hated her, and she didn’t know what to do.


	3. of sinking oil

Another revolution, another strange time to wake up. Regularly waking up with Mum seemed a distant memory, even if it had hardly been three days since. 

However, Dian wasn’t unhappy to wake up to see Da at all. She was nearly ecstatic, even if Da’s face was barely visible in the darkness, lit only by wisps of moonlight and the slight glow of the firepit. Minus the fact that it must have been two hours before the sun itself woke, Dian could have jumped out of bed.

As it was, Dian settled for throwing her arms around Da’s neck. Her father shushed her as she buried her face against his warm shoulder, patting her on the back.

“Sorry it's so early,” Da breathed. “I know Mar- Mum isn’t acting very nicely these days, and I’m sorry she’s like that. I haven’t been able to get my manager to let me come any later, but if I finish my work early, she’ll give me an extra hour and I’ll be home in time for dinner, alright? She said I can bring you to the factory if you want. What do you say?”

“But Mum says I can’t leave the house,” Dian said, remembering her mother’s words from last night.

“Dian-”

“Da, does Mum hate me?”

“...I don’t know Dian, I don’t know. I can’t pretend to know what someone else it thinking, but I hope she doesn’t.”

“She acts like she hates me,” Dian said, lifting her face to peer at her father’s. “Do you think if I stay home, she’ll like me more?”

The blankets on the other side of the bed rustled, and the two of them froze.

“So, do you want to come?”

“I think I want to try again,” Dian replied. 

Da sighed, but ruffled Dian’s hair affectionately. “Alright. If you ever do, please tell me. I’ll try to get home as soon as I can. And whatever your mother says, it’s not your fault. None of this is.”

“But-”

“No buts. I fried your lizard last night, and it was great. I hid some behind the box if you’re hungry.” Da let go of her and stood. “Just, don’t get hurt, okay? I’ll see you tonight.” 

“Okay,” whispered Dian, and watched him go before she remembered something.

She rifled as quietly as possible through the folds of her blanket before she found what she was looking for. “Wait!”

Da stopped, glancing at her mother to make sure she was still snoring softly. Meanwhile, Dian extricated herself and hurried to her father. “Nerf jerky,” she said, standing on her tippy-toes to hand him the small canvas bundle.

“How did you get this?” Da asked.

“Huit gave it to me.”

This seemed to satisfy Da, and in the moonlight Dian saw Da’s happy, bearded face, filling Dian with warmth as he patted her on the head. “They’re nice kids, aren’t they? Well, I’ve got to get going now. Tell them Ekel says thank you for me, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dian said, waving as he left.

It was a whole lot easier to fall asleep this time.

* * *

Dian felt like she’d been seeing Huit and Gonus quite often now. She woke up to find them sitting across from each other at the blazing firepit, chatting loosely. Gonus caught her eyes, and with the sudden realization that Huit could not see her, Dian put her fingers to her lips, and Gonus acted like he had seen nothing.

With the crackling fire and Gonus’s lively conversation, Huit didn’t notice a thing until Dian yelled “Boo!” and pounced on Huit’s back.

Huit yelped, falling over as he tried and failed to spin while in a sitting position. 

“Payback!” Gonus heralded. “Nice one, Dian!”

Huit grumbled as he righted himself. “Alright, you got me there. Brother, what a betrayal! How could you?” He gasped mockingly, putting his hands to his heart. “What if you scared me so bad I got a heart attack? Or hiccuped up my lungs?”

“Very funny,” Gonus said, a boy of few words as usual. “So, how you feeling, Dian? Hungry? You ever have sausage?”

“Sausage?” Dian echoed faintly.

“It’s warm meat,” Gonus supplied, pointing at the pot over the fire. “Kept it warm for you. Why do you sleep so late, anyway? It’s almost high-noon again.”

Dian frowned a little. “I woke up very early today, but then I went back to sleep,” she replied. “Da woke me up. He says to say that Ekel says thank you.”

“Oh?” Huit hummed. “Tell him it’s not a problem. Now c’mon, eat your sausage. And Gonus, you’re one to talk. If I didn’t wake you up, you’d sleep through the whole day!”

“Well, why get up just to breathe sand?”

Huit waved his hand dismissively as Gonus handed Dian a small piece of meat, shaped a bit like a section of a snake. “It’s not that bad.”

Dian bit off a little and almost gagged. It was too rich, too warm, yet she forced it down before she could spit it out. Huit and Gonus were watching her, after all. Suddenly, the piece of Nerf sausage seemed much too large. 

Her discomfort did not go unnoticed. “I told you we should have just brought bread and jerky,” Huit said to his brother.

Gonus rubbed his hands against his face, muffling his response.

“What was that?”

“Sorry,” Gonus said. “Here, Dian, have some water instead. I’ll take the sausage. Too oily?”

Dian nodded slowly, looking down and feeling her cheeks heat as she took the metal flask Gonus offered her and gave back the morsel of meat. She unscrewed the cap for a sip, but coughed when it stung her throat. 

That was not water.

The two brothers had split the remaining sausage and finished it, but now both of them turned to Dian, confused looks on their faces. “Hold up,” Gonus said, snatching the container back out of Dian’s hand and sniffing it. “Darn sun. This isn’t mine.” He held it up and studied it for a moment. “Huit, why do I have Juirret’s wine stash?”

“What?” Huit grabbed for the container, frowning as he too smelled it. “How would I know?”

“What’s wine?” Dian asked, not having ever heard of it.

_Why do you keep asking so many questions?_

Huit didn’t seem to mind, muttering, “A vile drink. Really changes people. Do stay away from it, Dian.” He handed Dian a different sack, this one made out of hide, and cleared his throat. “This, at any rate, should actually be water.”

Eager to get rid of the weird, bubbly feeling, Dian drank thirstily as Gonus tucked “Juirret’s wine stash” back into a tunic pocket. 

“Juirret’s going to be mad,” Gonus said. “I’m not looking forward to seeing him.”

“You mean even less than usual? He might not have even noticed, with how much more he steals everyday.”

Gonus shrugged and stood as Dian wordlessly handed back Huit’s water bag. “Then maybe he won’t even show up.”

The two brothers began heading for the door, but then stopped. “Aren’t you coming, Dian?”

“I-i can’t go outside,” Dian blurted.

Two pairs of brown eyes froze on her. “Why not?” asked Gonus.

“My mum said so.”

Gonus sucked in a big breath and was about to open his mouth to say something when Huit interrupted. “And why’s that?”

“I-i don’t know.”

“We’re already late,” hissed Gonus. 

“We can’t just leave--”

“It’s okay,” Dian said. “I’m good.”

“Are you sure?”

_nonononono_

“Yeah,” Dian said, smiling as big as she could. 

She could see that they wanted to go, so she wouldn’t keep them, like how Dian couldn’t keep Mum. Dian didn't want to get in the way of their fun, and she _hoped_ they’d have fun, whatever they’d be doing. Like the last two days.

Besides, she had to make sure Mum didn’t get mad at her today. Or any more mad, which Mum definetly would be if she couldn't show that Dian could listen to Mum. Tracing patterns in the dust was okay, since she could almost pretend that she was in the tent with Mum at the market, with the noise of the villagers going about outside. 

It was fine, really, so why did she feel so cold?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof so i know this story is kinda boring right now! but i hope it'll get interesting enough soon, if you'll just bear with me (hey, nonexistent readers!)  
> this is a shorter chapter because my brain is kind of fried, but i promise Dian will meet a heck ton of interesting people in the next chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> brian is back from the dead! will be trying to rewrite this because I'd really rather jump into what happens with Din's time in Fighting Corps.


End file.
